Friday, May 23, 2008

Personal responsibility

Gather 'round, Boys and Girls, and listen to a story by Auntie MKShay.

Once upon a time there was a Princess. She had a Handsome Husband, beautiful home and nice cars.

There was something else she had, though, from time to time: bruises.

Yes, Handsome Husband had a tendency (not often, just once in an while) to smack the Princess around a bit.

The Princess gave the usual excuses:

"He doesn't mean it."
"He is stressed about losing his job."
"He feels really badly about it afterwards."

Finally, the King (who lived in a Land far away from the Princess) heard about what had been going on with the Princess. He found out that his Princess had been hurt, but she had gone back to the Handsome Husband 3 times after staying for a few days in a shelter for battered princesses.

He sent a Messenger to the Princess with his Royal Decree:

"At some point, if you keep going back, you are no longer a victim. You are an active participant."

What does this have to do with Mary Kay? Glad you asked. :o)

There has been a lot of talk lately about personal responsibility lately in response to the posts on PT. Many of the PT posters are crying about being "victims" - but are they really?

You know the old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"? Getting talked into starting with $3000 in inventory is one thing, but ordering month after month after month and stacking inventory on the shelves is quite different!

I am hard on the PTers that made bad choices month after month after month and then blame MK for their problems. I admit it. It drives me crazy. They still blame MK years after the fact - and never accept their part of the situation.

I am hard on PTers that were dishonest, cheated and lied to their team while in MK and then blame MK for their wrongdoing. I admit it. It drives me crazy. I don't see how someone can blame a company for their dishonesty month after month, year after year.

There are times when I use not-so-gentle language when referring to these people. I admit it. It drives me crazy. I am hoping that some tough love might wake them up!

Mary Kay is a business. Plain and simple.

I have a friend who had a business in California 10 years ago. She made millions a year in revenue. Then, in her 4th year, because of some changes in CA law, the company went under. She filed bankruptcy to the tune of millions of dalloars in debt.

Then she had a choice. She could give up, join (or start) a blog like and whine for years about how she was a victim of the system; or she could suck it up, learn from experience, and rebuild.

She chose Option B.

My goal is not to get PTers to rejoin MK. Far from it. I think they should be far, far away from anything having to do with MK, because they simply are not meant to be in MK. MK is not for everyone.

My goals are the following:
  • I want to be the voice of reality that they won't find on PT. PTers will hold your hand and say that nothing was your fault - it is all the evil MK Empire's fault. I will say that you need to own your part of whatever you did, learn from it and move on. ("You can't change what you don't acknowledge." Thus saith Dr. Phil.)
  • I want to help provide a balanced view of Mary Kay to those who might be searching online. There is nothing wrong with sharing your experience, but don't blame others for what you did and don't assume that everyone else suffers from your lack of values or judgement.

If you own your part of what you did wrong, then you can grow. You can change. You can heal. You can stop wallowing in the self-pity that accompanies being a victim in your own mind, because you realize that you are the one who controls what happens to you.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, the story at the beginning of this mine.

I am so glad my father did not take a "you poor thing, what a terrible life you have" attitude with me. He helped me see that I was in control of my fate - not the man I was married to. He was tough, and I did not like it! LOL But he made me realize that at some point, you stop being a victim and you start being an enabler. Once you stop being either, you can control your own destiny.


  1. Here is a perfect example.

    oooohhhh whattodo posted this on PT today:

    ooohh whattodo said:
    Women that do not suceed in this business had no right being here at all.

    "Well, thank you very much! Ooohh, this p*sses me off! Oh yeah, this is an awesome company! Well, if it's so d*mn awesome then I would like to know how come so many directors are stepping down and away, and how come, if it's so damned awesome, is product being shipping back in the thousands of dollars? I wish my Senior Director had seen all the other responsibilities and commitments that I had going on in my life 8 years ago when I signed my agreement and said to me "Oh, I am sorry, you have children, another business, and a husband. You're not going to be successful here, so don't bother signing an agreement - you don't belong here." I would've saved 8 years of my life running around stalking women, plowing through snowbanks in 20 below to sell a lipgloss, and wouldn't be sitting here in my office looking at $30K worth of crap and a credit card statement every month reminding me how awesome this company is."

    Wow. Where to start?

    Why is it someone else's responsibility to look at YOUR life and tell YOU not to sign the Agreement???

    Whose responsibility is it that you are staring at $30,000 worth of inventory???

    Get a reality check! Take control of your own life!!!

  2. I am trying to word this as best I can ... I do think there are PTers who are struggling with the fact that they allowed themselves to be "brainwashed". I know exactly how this feels since I stayed in a marriage for a long time being fed lies by my (now ex) husband and believing that he loved me. Now, he didn't hit me but he emotionally abused me and I just didn't pick up on it (he was a damn good actor). I could get all "high and mighty" with MkShay and say, "Well, my mother told me if a man hits me once leave him...why didn't you do that right away?" (MkShay, read on..this is just for purpose of illustration) But, while I may have known what I would do if someone hit me, I did NOT know what to do if someone emotionally abused me...I didn't even realize what was happening..even though later (after the divorce), I could see the signs and felt really stupid!! So, after I gave my ex the divorce he asked for, I went through a period of realizing that I had willingly "brainwashed" myself with the bits of information he fed me over the years. I guess what I am getting to is...every one of us reacts differently to situations. Neither MkShay nor I should have been mistreated by our husbands. Both of us should have realized sooner that we needed to be free. However, once we did realize it, we got out and it appears to me we have both rebuilt our lives successfully (MkShay, I have seen your other blog and know you are now happily married with kids -I, too, am happily married - to the "right" person this time, thank you God!). The only thing is...everyone reacts differently, feels hurt differently, heals differently. So, some women may have a bad experience with a company and really feel it, while others may not. I do think there are women on Pink Truth that were hurt very badly. However, I have a hard time with the personal use complaint since basically they are saying they like the product, they just don't want to pay full price. Also, I did not like the picture of "Danibel" - that was high schoolish. Not to mention, I would probably be banned from PT if they knew I buy quite a bit of jewelry from (gasp!) an MLM. The horror! (Sorry, after a while a bit of my sarcastic humor comes out.) On the other hand, I do think some in the MK business act like it is easier then it really obviously helps to have a financial background, like MK4ME does. Well, as you can see I am on the fence...bottom line, anything man made is not perfect and that is the way it is. Now, do we need to debate...will there be Mary Kay cosmetics in heaven? (Thanks for letting me post here and MkShay, thanks for sharing your story and good job getting that jerk out of your life! I'm glad God removed the idiot from mine! Woo hoo!!)

  3. So how does this shame on you/shame on me thingy work when the writer of the post can't hold a job, can't succeed in any MLM after like 5 tries, and runs from site to site posting whatever will gain her acceptance by that group? Shay, you are one of the saddest examples of wanting to be liked that I've ever seen. Grow up and get over it. Get a job and quit being a complete failure who pretends to be successful so she boss other people around. No one is buying it!

  4. Objective1 I cant buy the fact that some of these women are brainwashed. If you grew up in a cult its one thing (like the ladies who are on the news the FLDS)and you CANT LEAVE. Bad relationships (we have all been through those even the rich, and yes I had a boyfriend who was not physically but mentally abusive.long story years ago) I can buy it with the directors NOT the consultants. A director has more at stake (losing a unit, losing commissions, a car, etc) I can see why she would want to stay and try to keep things going. A consultant NO she has no immediate reason to be brainwashed there are other areas she can go to and pick up and put it down anytime she wants. I have always felt for the directors or car drivers because they have built things up to a point to go higher and its hard to leave that but a consultant no excuse unless she is a red jacket with TONS of consultants under her.

  5. Oh boy! The Anonymous Shay-hater is back! Goody! ROTFL

    As I have said before, my primary "job" is to raise my kids and teach them. Period. I have no interest whatsoever in getting a 9-5, thank you very much.

    Your venom is quite misplaced, I assure you. Perhaps you are jealous because you have to work a 9-5 job? Maybe? Hmmmmmmmmm

    As far as the "running from site to site, etc." comments, not sure what you mean by that, but that's okay. You probably don't, either. LOL

    I think your post is too mean to be real. You really like me, don't you? ;)

  6. objective1 -

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    I agree that everyone's situation is different, etc. The point I was trying to make is that if you don't start taking responsibility for what you did, you might get in the same situation again and you simply won't heal and move on, KWIM?

    Some people take longer to heal. I get that. But the atmosphere of PT is one that does not promote healing. It encourages blaming everything on MKC and not accepting any responsibility for your own actions.

    And that is what I strongly disagree with.

    Congrats on taking control of your life and thank you again for sharing your story here!


  7. Unfortunately Shay, from Tracy's POV:

    Princess = MK consultant
    Handsome Husband = MK Inc
    King (or in this case, Queen) = Tracy

    The fallacy is that if Tracy's POV was the Truth, then legions of lawyers, State AGs and DAs would be charging the courthouse doors to save those "millions of women who have had negative experiences with Mary Kay" (from the last paragraph of About Pink Truth/Welcome).

    The massive court filings must be under the radar, kind of like watching submarine races.

  8. Colleen - Some will stay in a situation that makes no sense to others at all. After my divorce, several friends said they wondered why I stayed with him. They could pick up on things that I didn't. I have a friend right now who basically doesn't want to take personal responsibility for some things in her life...and it bewilders me and my other friends. We wish she would get out of her "fog" (it's not MK or MLM related). We just don't "get" why she is "stuck in a rut" - well, spiraling downhill may be a better description. I do agree - taking personal responsibility is important. I don't know what to call it - being brainwashed, having the wrong perspective, being in a fog....??...and then you see the light. Colleen, I don't know why some of these gals keep ordering so much stuff either when they are not selling it - they need to dig deep down and root out their issues and put something in place to deal with it. I rely on God and prayer myself to root out and deal with my own issues (and I admit, I was not a true Christian until after my divorce - if I had been, I would have seen through my ex much sooner). (Anonymous - please stop with the personal attacks - I know you probably won't but thought I would nicely request it anyway.) (MkShay - thank you and I hope you and your family have a great holiday. Colleen - I also wish you a lovely holiday as well).

  9. anon. David warned you no personal attacks. You added absolutely nothing to enhance this post or prove your point. The only thing you proved is that you can come here and insult people and call somone a failure. I don't think you have the right to judge if Shay is a success or a failure.

    I would have to say success, she wants to be a SAHM and homeschool her children and she does. And her kids are doing well. Personally, I think that would be harder than any 9 - 5 job.

    Please post with logic, reason, or substance and stop coming over here and attacking Shay.

    I know David has allowed it because he knows that Shay can take it, but I personally plan on asking him to remove personal attacks such as yours, because quite frankly, it does no good for anyone, you have no proof to back up a word you say. And it makes it looks like we have a jealous second grader posting on this site.

    Didn't your momma ever tell you if you don't have something nice to say about someone, than don't say anthing at all.

    And if your convictions are so strong, why don't you just post with your pt name, black nova, Q OF 2, Raisinberry, or whatevr. You would still be anonymous but than you could make all your fellow pt'ers proud that you went over to that balanced blog and let them have it.

    If you don't name how to use your name, simply put the dot in the little circe that says Name/Url and then it will allow you to type in any name you wish.

    I double dog dare you to put your "fake" name where your fingers are.

    If you need help on how to post with a name, please feel free to ask, we would be more than happy to assist you in completing this task. It really isn't so hard.

    Peace be with you!!

  10. Don't know where else to ask this, so I will ask it here. I just got a letter from MKC that my director is no longer a director and that now I am in so and so's unit, an hour and a half away. No matter, I am PU only, not going to meetings anyway. My question is, can she keep her car if she is no longer a director? What are the consequences of not being a director anymore? Any director here know the answer??

  11. Personal Use, I'm not a director, but I do know that it is possible your director is no longer in Mary Kay, let alone not a director. She may have quit and sold back her inventory which would also put you into her senior director's unit. In that case, she would not be keeping her car as she is no longer a consultant.
    As far as keeping her car, if she was a fairly new director and still in the Vibe or G6, she may continue to drive that car if her personal team production qualifies. If she was in a Pink Cadillac or Grand Prix/Saturn Vue, she most likely had to give the car back.
    If she is still in MK, but is now a consultant, she will continue to receive commissions from her personal team as long as she remains Active.
    If she decides to become a director again in the future, you would then be in her unit again as long as she maintains her own personal production for her team (and assuming your director was also your recruiter). If your recruiter is someone other than your director and she is an actively working consultant, you may want to also ask her some questions. ;)
    I'm sure the directors here can answer more clearly than I can, but I hope that is helpful to you. ;)


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