Monday, August 31, 2009

Common Sense: Your Job and Your Partner

That's what we do here, right? We promote balance and common sense. OK. If you have checked PT today, you've noticed the *lovely* and gratingly self-righteous article stating that 1. MK devalues husbands and 2. Women are supposed to submit to their husbands.

I call BS! Look. The word PARTNER tells you all you need to know about this. Male, female, gay, straight, married or not, I don't care. Partners share lives and responsibilites together as competent adults on equal footing. That doesn't mean they must make exactly the same amount of money, or homogenize their lives to be as similar as possible to each other. It means they have equal value in the relationship and are free to work out their own system of division of labor, handling of child care, etc, inside their home.

Partners support each other. And yes, partners also call each other out if they see something going wrong. Mutually so. For those who follow religions that prescribe how they are to run their partnership, well, that's up to their OWN homes. Not in mine! PT, or anyone else, may not dictate to other people and families what is right and wrong in their homes. Not everyone follows the same religion, or any at all. It is the height of arrogance to proclaim your personal beliefs as something everyone is obligated to follow. I'm having none of it.

No, I am not a Christian. No, I do not care what Paul wrote to the Ephesians, nor is any company or corporation required to, either. Religion doesn't mix with business any better than it does with government. You believe? Great! Run your own home accordingly, by all means. But do not presume to dictate to others. No one can tell me that because I have XX chromosomes, I am destined to be subordinate, second fiddle, built for grunge work. LUDICROUS. Mother Nature has given us all brains. Not just the XY set. Males have just as much ability to cook, clean, etc. as females. You and your partner work out a system that is beneficial and satisfactory for you both. MK has nothing to do with it. I don't care if someone made a silly cadillac coach graphic. Not everything that appears in print is a Serious Dictum for Running Your Life. Please!

If you share your finances, then you must decide together how they will be apportioned. I don't care what your gender is. It doesn't make sense to hide expenses. duh. It would be just as wrong for a man to hide expenses from his wife. It's not about gender, it's about being honest and intelligent in managing your family finances. It's not about how Mr. XY is The Boss and Ms. XX is supposed to mop the floor and say "yes dear" and have a drink and his slippers ready when he comes in the door. 1950 is long gone!

If certain people insist on demeaning themselves, well, I can't stop them. You want to declare yourself Less Than? Insist that you are not smart enough to handle money or make major decisions? Go ahead. Whatever floats your boat, man. But speak for yourself. You've just disqualified yourself from speaking for me!

Incidentally, XX chromosomes and all, I run the finances in my household by mutual agreement because I am better at it. Mr. Gothboy handles the computers and technology at home because he is better at it. I do the housework and yardwork...but he pays more rent. No one submits to anyone. We are adults, imagine that? We make major decisions together by consensus.

Common sense, people.


  1. lol, Miranda, I wish you would tell us how you really feel.:) Love it.. haven't been able to give as much time to the site as I would like, finally got over here and was so glad to see a new post, was feeling very guilty. (got walloped with a major stomach bug)-
    Now, I am going to have to see what I missed.

    but, I must agree the days of June and Wally Cleaver are history. Mutual respect...

  2. There is some kind of tummy ick going on here too. Let's just say that Tums and Imodium are in my purse. gah. Went out drinking last night anyway. f me. hahaha but it was worth it.

    Let's pretend we're betting women: What do you want to bet that these self-righteous broads preaching submission (*patooey*) actually have their hubbies 100% whipped at home?

  3. hey hey look at the comment on PT by dupedbypinkfriend. She doesn't buy that submission hogwash either. Good for her not toeing the (retarded) party line!

    I am the rock and foundation of my household. Why? Because I am competent and capable and industrious, that's why! I am the one who is cut out to handle these things, and so I step up to the plate. Ovaries and all. Imagine that! I just ARRRRRGH this stuff makes me so mad. I bust my @$$ keeping our household running and working 3 jobs and I do it WELL, all of it, every day. I have a Master's degree from a major university. I dare anyone to demean my accomplishments on the arbitrary basis of gender. I will stomp all over them with my stompy boots!

  4. Got a glance at the post... now, you gotta love the fact that rude comments were made when they thought the article was written by a MK Husband... even name calling but when the author was later changed to one of the pters, opinions were reversed. The info was they same, why did who authored it make a difference?

  5. Miranda,

    One of your last lines is:

    "No one submits to anyone."

    It seems to me though that (at least in the scenario you described) you are both submitted to each other.

    I know it may seem like a matter of semantics, but the difference (to me) makes a world of difference.

    I suspect that if neither of you were willing to submit to the other you would never have been able to come to the arrangement(s) that you have found to be so successful.

    Sorry to you and mk4me for the ailments you are suffering from.

  6. awe shucks Dave, we just keep on kicking, tough to keep two old bats down (at least not for long). Right Miranda? ;)
    TY MK, at least we don't look our age!

  7. You know, my mom who was a stay at home mom (June Cleaver type) and of course dad often worked two jobs to support us -it was just the way things were in that era but she use to have a cute saying...
    You bet your dad is the head of the house, however, I am the neck which happens to control the head. lol

    I could choose to repeat something mr. mk4me and his buddies say but.. I shall leave that one alone ....

  8. Thanks Miranda for the great post! I also have not been so present on the board lately. Being a newlywed, training for a 5k, family in town, travel, etc, has taken me away. I still have been lurking though! It's funny, I do the finances for our household too! We are going to see how it works out, but there is no question about being a woman and being able to handle it (oh no, numbers!). My DH and I are partners, still working out the details, but he cleans, I clean, he cooks, I cook, we both work. Maybe someday we will not feel the need to check in with one another about things so much, but I feel guilty if I don't tell him that I spent money on this or that-- we have our individual "blow" accounts to spend as we choose, but if I am spending "big" money, we CONSULT on it. That's a novel term, eh? Consult with your partner; does not mean to agree on everything, but at least talk about it. There has to be something wrong in a marriage if these gals on PT were okay with racking up 20k debt without their DH knowing! it is easier to play the blame game than admit you were wrong.

    I will have to check out the recent posts re: marriage, etc. Last week, I went over to PT and there was this poster (Scott I think) that raised a hullabaloo. There was something like 96 posts-- he was just having a civil conversation in support of MLM and actually answered each response by each PTer. I think the site owner finally pulled the plug.

  9. Dave, what we do...well, there are 3 things.
    1 (best) collaboration and cooperation.
    2. (second best) compromise.
    3. (not fabulous) butt heads.



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