Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Isn't it suppose to be the thought that counts??

My interesting post will be coming, promise, family life has just been crazy busy lately. But I thought it was time for something new to read. Took a few minutes today to visit some other sites. Thought this would be a good discussion piece. It seems that many on that other site think it is awful to give Mary Kay as a gift. Of course it spurred from a story about a wife that was irate at her husband because he had taken her out to a nice dinner and then gave her a firming eye cream as a gift, because the wife's consultant had said it had been awhile since she had ordered it. (Now I must admit, this isn't something I would suggest as a gift unless the client had specifically told me that was what she wanted) but, this woman was so upset with her husband. My first thought was how ungrateful this woman must be, if she had used the product before, I am sure he was trying to get her something she could/would use and not have to spend her money on it. I have always been taught it was the thought that counted? Isn't that is what we all have been taught? (Mind you he had taken her out for a nice dinner too). Now I must admit that giving someone anti aging skin care if they don't already use it could lead to misinterpretation... but I would much rather get Mary Kay Perfumes, lotions, etc... than one of those cheap, smelly gift sets that sell like crazy at Christmas time at Walmart and Kmart. I had to laugh because I have many, many clients that will give me a wish list in case their husband calls me because there is stuff that they want but don't want to spend the money on themselves. I have clients that call me to get gift certificate for other clients because they know it is a gift that will be used. (Not set in a closet to be regifted, donated to a charity, thrown away, or set on a shelf to collect dust).

At my age, I pretty much have everything I want and if I want something I am going to go get it, so buying gifts for me can be rather trying for Mr. mk4me. He knows I love clothes so many times I will get a gift certificate, (he is so smart). I hate the thought of friends and family spending money on me and then not being able to use it. Especially these days with things getting so tight for many.

(This is a true story) - on Christmas Eve several years ago, in the afternoon, I received a phone call from a frantic hubby. He hadn't gotten anything for his wife and he said the only thing she had on her list was Mary Kay and Longenberger but I was the only one he know and felt comfortable calling. We chatted awhile, brainstormed a bit and then I remembered I had a brand new Longenberger basket that I had purchased when I attended a friend's party but not being a basket person I had just put it in the closet, still in the box... I told him if he wanted I would put her MK in the basket and shrink wrap it and make it look like a million bucks.. He was so grateful but couldn't figure out how he was going to get it. We ended up meeting in the parking lot of a local department store, laughing that we hoped no one was watching our "exchange" in the parking lot. I actually got a thank you card from him for saving his behind (of course I teased him that if I were ever desperate for cash, I had great blackmail material) and then I got a beautiful thank you card from my client/his wife saying, thank you so much, I know you must have come to his rescue and it was one of the best gifts she had received because even though he was an awesome guy, his gift giving ability was lacking!!I honestly think that if a gift is given with love, it is special. I am sure the majority of people that receive Mary Kay would prefer that over a big fluffy pair of slippers that look like cows or something silly!

Serously, have you ever seen some of the ridiculous stuff that comes out at Christmas and people buy it. Let's face it how many pairs of battery warmed socks do I need? Last point, at least this woman had someone that loved her enough to take her out for dinner and buy her something. I am sure there are many folks in the world that would love for someone to treat them that well. What surprised me was how many others thought this was a terrible thing too. So what are you thoughts? If you were not a consultant and liked/loved MK, would it upset you to receive it as a gift?


  1. This women according to the story "had a lovely evening ruined, an argument with her husband, and a memorable 44th birthday- not in a good way!"

    Wow, all I can think of is how spoiled,selfish, and immature of her to make such a big thing over that should have just caused her to chuckle. Poor sap, it would serve her right if he never bought her another gift again. How ungrateful, especially since it was even something she uses.

  2. First, thanks for the fresh content...
    I'm kind of split on this one. Yes, I agree that she should be grateful for the thought...and the poor guy was I'm sure, clueless. But what about the consultant?!? With all the nice pampering gifts MK has, she sold him an eye cream?? I don't think skin care in general makes a great gift. I've been proven wrong by clients who have purchased miracle sets for mom, aunt, sister, etc. But that works because they're really recommending the products, and it's girl-to-girl. A guy must go for the pampering...unless the wife's given him a list, and I get those orders too. But that's different, she's specifically asked. When in doubt, go for the fragrance or body care or gift certificate including the facial and makeover. A woman wants to feel like the man knows she deserves to be pampered and spoiled, and those are great "you're the greatest" gifts.

  3. I am there with you shashew, it is not what I would have suggest either (unless she had told me that is what she wanted), but still to let that ruin her entire evening??

    Sounds like the same type of personalities that make fun of donations to charities.

    Next birthday, I hope he gives her deoderant, toothpaste, and mouth wash! Then she would have a reason to ruin a nice dinnder he was treating her to, and maybe her eye cream would look might considerate.

  4. As a female, and a wife, I would not be pleased if my husband gave me any kind of physical enhancement gift for an important occasion. I would be upset at him, but the anger would be tempered with mercy since it is the thought that counts and most men are clueless. It would not have ruined my evening, but it would not have made it a good memory, either. What can I say? I was raised by a man who spoiled his daughters and married a man who spoils his wife.

    I have always thought it was tacky to give a gift of something that you are selling. It just comes across as sleezy. Mother to daughter, sister to sister, daughter to mother. OK. But anyone else, it just looks like you are pushing your product on someone, even if that is not your intention. Tacky.

  5. Tacky??? That is not the feedback I get. I have had sisters tell me they were disappointed because they had loooked forward to getting the frosted pear or autumn almond gifts sets and when they didnt' get them at Christmas they wanted to buy them and the Company was sold out!!

    The other thing is most of us set an allowed amount that we spend on gifts. If I give MK, I can give them double the value I would be in a store. (Actually the value is even better than that because I pay wholesale for quality and if I went to a store, often you pay retail for a lesser value).

    If I received my favorite shampoo and conditioner from my hair dresser, I would not be disappointed at all. If I received a free massage from my massage therapist, etc... it is still the thought, the gesture and doesn't lessen the value of the gift.

    I would never be disappointed to receive a GIFT - if the gift was given freely and with thought just because the person may sell the product. It would stil cost them money.

    And I certainly have no problem, if my friend owned a jewelry store or a car dealership to receive a gift from their inventory.

    I think too many forget that a gift is suppose to be a gift, how much it cost, where it comes from, etc... should not be the questions going thru ones mind when receiving it.

    I bet most people that feel that way, probably go investigate the prices of gifts they receive so that when it is there turn to give that person a gift, they don't spend a penny more than was spent on them.

    Geez, IT IS A GIFT, a should be appreciated as a gift. The attitude that gifts now have to follow certain guildelines show a warped thinking.

    Now I admit, if Mr. mk4mr bought me bait so he could go fishing, and I don't fish, well I probably wouldn't do a happy dance but I still would have to laugh.

    We should all learn to appreciate more and expect less.

  6. MK4Me... I am with you on this one!

    I do think the consultant made a MINOR error in judgement recommending that particular product, but not to the point that it should have "ruined" her birthday!

    I have had friends return gifts to me that I have carefully chosen just for them, BECAUSE they wanted Mary Kay!!! I was among those who thought it was a bit "iffy" to always give MY products as gifts, but I have found that people EXPECT me to gift them with Mary Kay on those opportunities for gifting ;)

  7. i dont think that it was a very good gift, only because obviously she was expecting something else from him. This may have been something that she was thinking that she could buy for herself.

    But if it was my favorite product or service, I dont believe I would be upset about recieveing it as a gift.Its possible that she had been hinting at something else and her hubby didnt get the hint.
    I think her hostile reaction means that she was expecting somthing else, and she took that opportunity to bash Mary Kay.

    I wouldnt suggest skin care as a gift unless I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what she wanted. MK makes other products that make great gift items, sets usually make better gifts not just one product. I hope this MK lady was just not trying to make a sale and convinced him to buy it for her. In that case it was wrong of her. She may have already had some and it was not time for a reorder. You just never know.

  8. The thing that amuses me the most, is haven't we all got gifts that maybe we weren't crazy about, whether it was MK or not.

    I must admit, I really would prefer not to get a vacuum cleaner or broom from mr. mk4me at Christmas unless he was planning on using them. :)
    But I still would never hurt someone else's feelings voicing my disappointment after they took the time to get me something.

    Joking- maybe the lady got so upset because she did need it! ark, ark, ark!!

  9. What if the woman wasn't a big Mary Kay user? Now, just work with me here on this. The woman goes to a party and buys an eye cream. Maybe she calls and re-orders the occasional mascara. When she filled out a profile card at a party or facial, she put down her birthday. THEN the consultant takes advantage of this and calls the husband to tell him his wife's favorite things (from one or two infrequent and simple orders). The husband has no clue to his wife's make-up/skincare preference and has no reason to question that this consultant may have an ulterior motive (money) and get's excited about an easy gift.

    The wife gets the gift and is like "what the heck? Mary Kay? I ordered some at a party awhile ago but that's it. And eye firming cream of all things? Do I look old?"

    I don't think the lady is ungrateful. I think that she probably felt the husband put no effort into the gift, never realizing he may (or may not, I'm speculating here) have been bamboozled by an overzealous consultant with a script. All over unitnet it tells consultants to keep this stuff on file and use it for xmas, b-days, etc. and it never tells the consultant to do it with regular customer's. You have to admit that if my scenario was accurate, that the consultant is pretty dishonest to call the husband, say she is his wife's personal consultant and knows what's on her wish list to make a buck off the lady's b-day.

    BTW, you are speculating that this woman actually said MK ruined her day but that comment is via PT which is known to twist facts. I don't feel comfortable critisizing the woman, when her words have been written by a PT member. For all we know, she could have only been a little miffed and then gotten over it or even thought the story was funny. I would have laughed if my husband gave me a potato peeler and told me the Pampered Chef lady said I really wanted it for my b-day. I would have thought what a silly, sweet and innocent doofus my man was to fall for that line and kissed him with a smile. =)

  10. your mom, yes, most of us would have laughted and thought exactly what you posted..

    I am commenting on the post on pt as it stands. If the information is tainted, that is not my fault, I can only dispute what I know is inaccurate.

    The story is posted on pink truth and according to them they only write the truth. So I will comment as I see fit. So I have no reason to question the statement that her night was ruined because she was pouting, had a fight with her husband, etc..

  11. Well, time to hear what a husband thinks about all this.

    (I say that because I am a husband... remember?!!)

    First of all, there is a lot of validity to the question, "Isn't it supposed to be the thought that counts?".

    And in answer to this question, one must know the "thought" that went into this gift.

    As "your mom" pointed out, we can only speculate on the 'thought' that went into this gift. And we are particularly at the mercy of speculation as we are speculating on the motives of someone whose motives were already speculated upon before the 'story' got to us... several times.

    The wife obviously speculated on the conversation between her husband and the MK rep. (This would be, hopefully, the most accurate speculation as she knows both of them)

    The friend of the wife speculated about the husbands motives when she heard the story from the wife.

    This friend told the person that told the story to {ink {ruth... another layer of speculation about this poor husbands motives.

    Then the person that told the story composed the letter that (allegedly) was sent to {ink {ruth.

    That is an awful lot of "telephone" going on before we get to hear the story. A lot of speculation could be made about the wife, the husband, and the consultant.

    That being said, we know that the husband is, allegedly, a "sharp guy"...

    "Knowing the husband this puzzled me. He's a pretty sharp guy."

    "well intentioned"...

    "So the well intentioned husband takes his wife out for a nice dinner for her 44th birthday and over dinner he gives her a present."

    and was "happy for suggestions".

    Of course none of these things tell us what the gift "cost" him in terms of thoughtfulness and consideration.

    Apparently the wife "has since forgiven him", so either he had a moment of uncharacteristic "non-sharpness", was suckered by the overly-aggressive Mary Kay lady or genuinely thought that his wife would be ga-ga over anything Mary Kay sells - being that it is (or at least has been) the number one selling brand in the combined categories of skin care and cosmetics... did I get that right?

    So, although roundabout, my answer to the question, "Isn't it supposed to be the thought that counts?" is, yes, it is the thought that counts, but no, we can't know whether this husbands thoughts should be counted as loving and genuine or hasty and desperate.

    I hope that clears everything right up.

    Of course, all of you are missing the most memorable part of this particular {ink {ruth post.

    Something that most of the readers of this blog would never expect to see on {ink {ruth.

    The following is a direct exert. See if you can find this quote in the original article.

    "...the Consultant/Director sold product, made profit, and met a goal..."

    Hey {ink {ruth, I thought you said that these things don't happen.

    selling product? - doesn't happen
    making profit? - doesn't happen
    meet goals? - doesn't happen

    Right? There it is, in black and white... on {ink {ruth...

    "...the Consultant/Director sold product, made profit, and met a goal..."

    Thanks to everyone for your extended patience as the posts have been admittedly slow in coming lately.

  12. Great Post, MK4ME! :o)

    My husband is a very observant guy. Many hubbies are! This lady may have said something like she needed the product or was running low and Hubby might have thought he would be the loving hubby by giving her something she needed. We don't know. Hubbies are often very practical thinkers

    I, also, got a vacuum cleaner as a gift - because I commented that my old one was worn out. Hubby was grinning from ear to ear that he had picked such a practical, timely gift! LOL How could I be upset by that?

    And, like it has been pointed out, we are getting this story through the PT filter, so it has probably been warped and exaggerated, anyway. :o(

  13. Another thought!! With MK money 100% Satisfaction Guarentee, the woman could call her consultant and tell her she doesn't want the firming eye cream and she wants to exchange it for (whatever she wants)!

    David, great to hear from a husband, but even better to hear from you.

  14. I really enjoyed reading your comment about what defines a gift and what would evoke disappointment/not from you mk4me.

    "And I certainly have no problem, if my friend owned a jewelry store or a car dealership to receive a gift from their inventory. "

    You just proved that it's all in how you want to look at it.

    Personally I wouldn't enjoy getting any kind of bath product or skin care from my husband, simply because the guy has zero clue. I love him. But he could never work for Hallmark if you get my drift.

    In any event, I would probably end up smelling like a fruit basket if I allowed him to buy that stuff for me and I hate smelling like that.

    The posters over there have so much residual negativity associated with Mary Kay that anything from MK for any reason or occasion.

    I'm not in Mary Kay any longer; haven't been in a long time. But my friend loves the 3in1 and the old Happiness sugar scrub, etc. I would be easy to put a smile on her face and give her either or for her birthday.

  15. Postis-interruptus...

    Obviously the above thought went incomplete!

    "The posters over there have so much residual negativity associated with Mary Kay that anything from MK for any reason or occasion would be a bad idea."

  16. flybye, I hope you didn't think I meant that is I only appreciate a big dollar gift, my point was to counter the pt point that one should never give a gift if they are in the business that the gift comes from.

    I really just am grateful when someone remembers me or takes time to pick something up. Actually, I tell the kids all the time, I have everything I need, and you don't need to be spending your hard earned money on me.

    The thing that is always most special to me: to receive a card that says something nice and sappy. I save them all. :)

    Actually, I still remember telling Mr. mk4me one year that I would love to get a big nice nostick frying pan! He looked at me like I had three heads. But hey, they aren't cheap, I use them all the time and have a problem paying the money they want for them. And the boys had a bad habit of using metal utensils in all the ones I had.

    He still chuckles that I must be the only woman in the world that would want a pan for a Christmas present. (No I didn't get one and yes, I broke down and went and bought one on mine own).

  17. Tacky and sleazy???!! Hardly. I got into this business because I love the products and I'm very proud to represent them. My friends and family expect it and love it when I give them a Mary Kay gift. I think it would be tacky and sleazy to represent a product, and then not have enough pride in it to use it or give it.

  18. I think spouses and partners need to communicate when it comes to gift giving occasions.

    On the other hand, ideally *cough* you know your partner well enough to know what general categories of gifts would and would not be enjoyed.

    For example: Mr. Gothboy knows that while the neighbor lady might not want a stand mixer or a sewing machine for Valentine's Day, he knows that I consider those to be very romantic gifts because it shows that he knows what I really want and plunked down the money for good quality.

    I know that Mr. Gothboy wants all things electronic, or good quality knives. Nooooo problem. Thinkgeek.com, here I come!

    I have given MK stuff as gifts in the past. However, those gifts were to women who have given *me* cosmetic gifts in the past, so I would hope it was ok. It was never anti aging products, though! It was usually something indulgent like bath stuff or something they had mentioned a need for like hand cream in the winter.

    So, after all my rambling, here's what I think: *any* brand of anti-aging/anti cellulite, etc stuff given for a gift giving occasion had better be specifically requested by the recipient...or just don't go there! Give her something that doesn't point to any of her little imperfections, know what I mean?

  19. I also want to say that I find it suspicious that a Mary Kay lady worth her salt would tell a man to give anti-aging cream as a gift. That's a poor suggestion and she definately should have known better. Not to be all PT here, but I personally think that if this actually happened, the MK lady had a contest or some other reason for suggesting this. In my opinion, it is poor customer service to recommend such a gift to a man looking for a gift for his wife. If I was a MK lady, I would have suggested spa stuff, mineral make-up or a gift certificate. Does anyone else think the consultant made a bad suggestion? What would you have suggested? She would have been smarter to tell the husband to purchase a gift certificate that comes with a free pampering and color consultation.

  20. mk4me said: "flybye, I hope you didn't think I meant that is I only appreciate a big dollar gift,"

    Of course not!!! LOLOL....

    I asked for a vacuum cleaner earlier this year. My husband thought it was a "trick" request, LOLOL... And like your request for a pan, I didn't get it for an occasion. He just went out and bought me a..... Dyson!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!

    I accept any gift graciously. Even if I'm like, OMG! As in the animal hide masks my sister-in-law gave us for a wedding present. Eeek! I found a dark out-of-the-way corner for them for about a year or so and then quietly packaged them up and delivered them to the Goodwill.


For Further Reading...

This Week On Pink Truth - Click Here
Pros and Cons of Mary Kay - Read or Contribute or Both!
First Post - Why I Started This Blog
The Article I Wrote For ScamTypes.com (here) (there)
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